Warren Buffett & Jay-Z: Our Top 10 Celebrity Duos
by Paul Springer
In the process of putting together its most recent Forbes 400 list of the richest Americans, the magazine arranged for a what it terms a “fascinating” discussion between billionaire investor Warren Buffet and millionaire recording artist Jay-Z.
The parley was actually about as fascinating as watching paint peel, and it’s not hard to see why. Buffet probably doesn’t spend a lot of time laying down phat rhymes designed to make goggle-eyed youngsters wag their hind ends and donate their parents’ income to the recording industry. Jay-Z probably hasn’t committed lengthy passages of Graham and Dodd to memory.
They just don’t have that much to talk about. What they really need to do is… sing! Sure it might seem like a strange choice, but if David Hasselhoff can get paid to do it, anyone can.
Forbes just needs to take it to a higher level — Buffet and Jay-Z on Fox’s American Idol. Their rendition of Bill Withers’ “Just the Two of Us” will likely crush the competition. And if it bombs, Buffett can buy the network and fire the judges in a ratings-boosting season finale. Call it “American Golden Idol.”
In these dark and dangerous times, maybe what the world needs is more duet collaborations between investment rock and stars and, well, rock stars. Some combos bound to jumpstart the economy and save civilization make up this admittedly unconventional – and wholly imaginary – top 10:
10. AC/DC wrote “Problem Child”, but Justin Bieber and embattled hedge fund manager John Paulson can afford to buy the rights.
9. Or how about Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and Lady GaGa – “Life is a Cabaret”. Anyone?
8. Irony would abound with former New York Gov. and prostitution scandal “victim” Eliot Spitzer joining Madonna in a duet version of “Like a Virgin”.
7. Santa Ana, Calif., resident and financial fraudster James Halstead, sentenced to 121 months in prison last May, sits in with The Eagles in a prison performance of “Hotel California.”
6. Al Pacino, starring in Nicholas Jarecki’s upcoming flick “Arbitrage,” jumps on the stage with Motorhead to sit in on an “Eat the Rich” encore.
5. “Grave Dancer” Sam Zell joins Black Sabbath for an “Iron Man” revamp.
4. Bouncing back from the cancellation of his vaunted Halloween party, hedge fund founder Paul Tudor Jones gigs with Kiss on some trash hits from the 1970s. Think “New York Groove” and “While the City Sleeps.” Hold the “Cold Gin.”
3. Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Mary Schapiro harmonizes with The Village People in a new version of “Macho Man.”
2. Rumor has it that billionaire corporate raider/activist Carl Icahn can’t wait to grab Courtney Love for a music video version of Irving Berlin’s “Puttin’ on the Ritz.”
1. Top notch goes to Bernie Madoff teaming up with Elton John to do a resounding version of “Jailhouse Rock.” In an odd coincidence, the two men both wear the same pained expression at all times — Elton from frowning over $19,000 florist bills and Madoff from the strain of maintaining eternal vigilance to avoid being shanked by former clients.
If these ideas seem outré, just tune in to Fox when this season’s Idol kicks off. Chances are you’ll be texting these ideas in to the network before the first commercial break.
Correction: The spelling of Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Mary Schapiro in an earlier version of this story was incorrect.
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