TABLE OF CONTENTS April 2008

Dow Surges 420 Points on Goldman, Lehman Earnings

U.S. stocks rallied the most in five years as earnings from Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. allayed concern investment banks are collapsing and the Federal Reserve cut its benchmark rate. Lehman, the fourth-biggest securities firm, had its steepest advance ever and helped lead financial stocks to their biggest gain since 2000. Goldman, the largest securities firm, rallied the most in nine years, Bloomberg.com reports. > read more

Darwin Effect: Why You Trade

How evolution explains your desire for a fatter wallet. Revisiting a famous gold fraud 15 years later. > read more

Inside The Mind Of Greg Coffey

I was a trader for GLG. But then, I realized I was just trading my life away. Do you ever realize that? It starts to seem like a waste of time. I’d had enough. So, I quit. But then, I started trading again. What do you think of that? When you think about it, why not? Did you ever think about it that way? But then I just stopped trading. Imagine trading one’s whole life away! So guess that’s it. But then I rejoined. A guy’s gotta’ trade sometimes, even if he is trading his whole life away. It was just like old times. Trading, all night, all day. Too much trading, really. I had to quit. And the funny thing was, I knew it. I was thinking of quitting. I quit after all, but then I called up my boss and he gave me my old job back. Boy, it felt good to be back. I love my boss. I said, “Boss,” I says. “You know I love trading; I’m going to have to quit. A guy can’t trade his life away!” (Click here for bang-up story of GLG wunderkind Coffey’s split.) > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: Still North Of A Quarter Billion...

So far, we’ve revealed the world’s top 20 traders and the feats that catapulted them to the highest echelons of traderdom in the year that gutted hedge funds, whole banks and, quite possibly, Greenspan’s once-rock-solid legacy. But what of the bond-insurance bear who brought home the biggest wedge of bacon (No. 21) and the fortysomething cliffhanger who had the gall to pull off one of the biggest LBOs in history while simultaneously defying none other than the UAW (No. 24) and the irrepressible oilman who, after years of going long on black gold, turned on a dime to beat it into submission (No. 28)? Having said that, let’s get straight to more of what you came here for. > read more

James Brown’s Wall Street Debut – Posthumously

These are the stories we live for. It’s got everything: rock ‘n’ roll, heaps of lawsuits, alleged embezzlement by supposed scheming managers, wives and alleged wives, children and alleged children, a last will and testament that’s likely not worth the paper it’s printed on – and, no wonder, since the lawyer who drew it up has since been thrown in prison for 30 years for murdering a strip club employee (yup, a strip club employee), Morgan Stanley (which has now been dragged into this) and, of course, the “Godfather of Soul.” A splendidly sordid tale not to be missed. > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: THE TRADER MONTHLY 100

So far, we have revealed our top 10 traders of the year and, if we may say so ourselves, you have been duly shocked and awed. Now, feast your eyes on the runners-up – the illustrious 11-20 who raked in the biggest paydays of 2007 – and one of whom actually slipped a few notches from the No. 1 spot the prior year. We will be rolling out the numbers and the players all week, so stay tuned. Who knows? If you made in excess of $75 mil, you might even see yourself on the list. > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: THE TRADER MONTHLY 100

They're called hedgehogs and fat cats, and sometimes much worse than that. We present them simply as “traders,” though, in truth, most are technically considered portfolio managers. There’s one word, however, that definitively describes each of the securities-industry standouts who make up this year’s Trader Monthly 100: flush. Here, we give you our most authoritative list yet of the traders raking in the biggest hauls today – including a brand-new one who nabbed the No. 1 spot. > read more

Recession Proof? Hah

It’s enough to make you rattle your empty rice bowl. Looks like in addition to the limp data out from the Commerce Department on the housing market and durable-goods orders, we’re now seeing the emergence of one new economic indicator flashing dire portents: the porn market has suddenly gone flaccid. Rentals, DVD sales, everything (especially “couples-friendly” stuff) is going down the tubes. For the first time in history. If that doesn’t make this credit crisis the apocalypse, then what does? > read more

Ex-UBS Chief-Turned-Trader: Time For A Break Up

Coming out of the woodwork wielding a deadly combination of capital and his poison pen is former UBS president Luqman Arnold, whose investment firm Olivant Advisers owns a 0.7% stake in the bank, on the hook for $38 billion of writedowns. Due to his insider status, it’s believed Arnold might be given a degree of street cred in the letter he’s written to a UBS board member (just released) demanding a breakup of the bank and a hearing in advance its annual meeting April 23. That said, this guy didn’t exactly leave UBS under the best of circumstances, something not well-highlighted by the press today – other than in the following story. That said, he insists his intentions are pure. “We want to make money,” he says, “It’s as simple as that.” Indeed, what intentions could be purer? > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: Topping $200 Million And Counting...

So far, we’ve unveiled the world’s top 30 traders and how they cleverly slayed the savage markets during one of the toughest years since, well, some people (Soros) are now saying the Great Depression. We’ve shared with you their stories, their paychecks and even some of their private struggles, but we still have another 70 to go. And given that the next batch’s take-home pay topped $200 million, we suspect you might even see a few of them crack the top 10 next year. > read more

Wall Street Asks: WWJD?

Ever wonder what Jesus would do if He went to Wharton? Or how He would spend His Goldman signing bonus? Well, thank G-d for “Revisions,” Princeton's "Journal of Christian Perspective," which explains the holy joys of i-banking. > read more

New Rules: Sell The Rumor, Buy The Fact – Or Whatever

If everything on Wall Street has gone arse-backward and pear-shaped, is it any wonder that the usual tenets of trading have also reversed? Just look at how the stocks of JP Morgan and Wells Fargo rallied shamelessly yesterday, despite the banks’ clear confirmation that Rome continues to burn – and with no indication of when the firestorm will be put out. Are traders engaging in wise garbage-picking...or just suffering from another round of bank-apologist Stockholm Syndrome? > read more

Memo To GLG: Mind The ‘GAAP’

London’s second-biggest hedge fund manager GLG is grappling in the wake of a non-cash accounting error that nonetheless resulted in its changing last year’s $93 million net income to a $311 million loss. (“Noncash,” as we understand it, being a term that’s supposed to make everyone feel better about losing big.) And it looks like at least one star trader over there is none too happy about it. Greg Coffey, a native Australian who runs five of the firm’s funds and is estimated to have generated more than half of its performance fees last year tendered his resignation this week. But then he withdrew it. Just another indecisive trader? Or is he an ace at humbly changing his positions? > read more

Traders, Testosterone – Any Questions?

A study is grabbing headlines today that had the audacity to send out a team of researchers to take saliva samples twice daily from a bunch of London traders whose resulting testosterone and cortisol levels offered no shortage of interesting insights into how chemicals effect the actions of the risk-taker. A sample revelation: elevated testosterone levels for a trader in the morning are predictive of a good P&L day – guess what that means for the less chemically gifted among you? > read more

SageCrest’s Emergency Loan

How hedge fund brothers Alan and Philip Milton from Greenwich, Conn., were purportedly foiled by a handful of big loans that went south roughly around the time litigation boiled over in New York over the fund’s complex financing of art purchases. The result? An 11th hour scramble for funding from not a bank, but a fellow hedge fund (Fortress) to pay off a loan from – what else? – a bank (Deutsche). Behold, a cautionary tale of a doughty fund that may yet see itself through this nightmare. > read more

BOE: Now They’ve Gone And Done It

Fresh from preliminary lab testing, the Bank of England has unleashed a powerful new anti-subprime tool, the Special Liquidity Scheme. Here’s how it works: you bring in your mortgage-backed securities (or, as we understand it, any toxic anything you can find lying around), the bank puts them through a giant meat-grinder, and out comes a pile of shiny-new government bonds. This is for a limited time only, so hurry to your local BOE window with whatever you’ve got. Act now and they’ll also accept old shoes, oil drums, Russian nuclear waste, day-old bagels and the gum you scraped off the bottom of your shoe this morning. Bond supplies are capped at $100 billion, so, just like happy-meal toys, they won’t last. But why let Bernans-baby have all the fun? > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: Best Of The Rest: Full Top 100 Revealed

Here, for the first time, we share our full list of the world’s top 100 traders over the past year. Hey, you never know – you might be on it. > read more

Rice: Rise Of A Black Market?

It’s like World War II all over again, as major retailers across the U.S. begin rationing rice (yes, this is now officially a problem no longer limited to just Asian countries). Anecdotal reports are pouring in that consumers are hoarding grain stocks. Stores are enforcing insipid one-bag-a-customer rules. And at one Costco Warehouse in Mountain View, Calif., yesterday, shoppers could be heard hurling expletives as they burrowed through the rice sacks. Not to worry, we have a solution: Step 1: Get out the wedding listings for your area. Step 2: Crash weddings (bring a vacuum). Step 3: Suck up all thrown rice, laugh evilly and hock it on the street. This is America, baby. You cannot keep a rice-lover down. Read on for excellent an story on the surreal unfolding of events. > read more

CASH OF THE TITANS: Meet Final Traders To Crack Top Half

All this week, we have shared with you only the best of the best of the past year’s trading titans, but we have yet to reveal the final 10 from the top half of our winner’s circle. Many of these individuals did every bit as well as the traders we shared with you yesterday, all earning $150 million to $200 million and up. So, unless you did too (in which case we urge you to turn yourself in – if you haven’t already) don’t miss out on discovering the methods to their bank-breaking madness. > read more

You Cannot Keep A Good Rogue Down

Infamous “rogue trader” Jérôme Kerviel is back on the job, albeit an entirely different one than before: he’s now a computer-security trainee. So, just how did he work out this rather soft landing? Elementary, he befriended one of his lawyer’s expert witnesses on IT issues – who also agreed to stash Kerviel in his own home for awhile as the news broke of the trader’s multibillion-dollar losses. The expert, while downplaying assertions by France’s central bank chief that Kerviel was a “computer genius,” nonetheless wasted no time in poaching Kerviel just before the besmirched trader was jailed (he’s since been released; see following story). No computer skills eh? Do tell. > read more

Unbearable Folly Of The Near-Miss

How, in the eyes of one market maven, watching Wile E. Coyote is not entirely unlike watching John Meriwether gambol through his latest market hiccup (with apologies to the latter). > read more

Ben Bernanke’s Light Spanking

Very light, we suspect. Like one of those we-need-to-fake-it-like-we’re-spanking-you--ok? spankings. And we need to do it for two days, on television, from Capitol Hill, so Joe Q. Public can see it (you know he loves it) and doesn’t end up getting all annoyed about being forced to eat Bear Stearns’s mystery lunch in the form of a $29 billion loan with mortgage-backed securities (doh!) as collateral. But we will use the small spanking paddle. And you won’t feel anything. Or hardly anything. You did good, Benny. Real good. We just need you to do this one extra thing for us. This is going to be a friendly spanking. Congress to Fed. It’s a group thing. Think of it as a bonding experience. Who knows, you might even like it. > read more

Too Weird To Be True...Only It Is

All of it. We just got our transcript of Bill O’Reilly (of O’Reilly Factor fame) from last week asking in earnest who controls the price of oil. A collection of some of our favorite questions posed by him to guest John D’agostino (a former Nymex executive and the inspiration for the book “Rigged: The True Story of an Ivy League Kid Who Changed the World of Oil from Wall Street to Dubai.”). O’Reilly: “Now, who's driving [the price of gasoline]? Is that the greedy sheiks and Hugo Chavez?...Is there a guy who says $121 a barrel?... Somebody has to put the $125 a barrel on the barrel. WHO does it?” Priceless. Now for an update on what Europe’s biggest oil companies have raked in for the first quarter. If you think O’Reilly is beyond belief, take a look at this. > read more

UBS: The Other Shoe Drops

Here’s your quick hit: UBS Chairman Marcel Ospel won’t stand for re-election, effectively resigning, as the bank – one of Europe’s worst-hit by the subprime crisis – plans to write down another $19 billion and ask shareholders to green-light $15 billion in additional funds. A third-party sale or spin-off also is being considered, Chief Executive Marcel Rohner said in a conference call. At this point, so many bank heads have rolled that we’re starting our official watch of when the second round of heave-hos is likely to begin for the newest bumper crop of replacement bank chairmen and CEOs. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. Next, a sneak preview of who’s favored to take Ospel’s place. > read more

Fed: Grief Or Relief?

Remember when you were a kid, before you’d developed any kind of decent sense of humor, and you’d hear the laugh track on sitcoms and just chortle along maniacally, like you’d actually got the joke…even though you didn’t? No? OK, that’s an overshare. But still, it occurs to us that the Fed, if it cuts rates today – as is widely expected – would be guilty of the same thing. Laughing because you’re being cued in by a machine is absurd. But at least it’s harmless. Cutting rates because it’s all you can do, despite the fact that you know that the dollar will fall and energy prices will rise and you have no idea, what, if anything, the upside will be, is nothing short of a mystery. Here, the best explanation we can find of what happens if the Fed sprinkles its fairy dust at 2:15 p.m. today. > read more

Soros: Market Gives 'Good Bottom'

But "good bottom" need not mean a bottom to end all bottoms, if you get his drift. Rather, he reckons Wall Street will enjoy a brief rebound of "six weeks to three months" before making a grab for that shiny brass ring that some people like to call the global recession (btw, we see it as a bad sign everyone wants to argue over the definition of "recession" right now – Bernanke included. Really, we know about the permutations and all that, but c'mon. What a lame way to dodge a simple question). Any…way… here, Soros shares his airtight plan for getting through this blitzkrieg. We hear some tell he might know his stuff. > read more

Farmers – Or Day Traders?

Fred Grieder has been farming for 30 years on 1,500 acres near Bloomington, in central Illinois. That has meant 30 years of long days plowing, planting, fertilizing and hoping nothing happens to damage his crop. But now, according to The New York Times, he has to keep a closer eye on the derivatives markets in Chicago, trying to hedge risks so that he knows how much he’ll be paid in the future for crops he’s planting now. And the financial tools he uses to make such bets are getting more expensive…and less reliable. > read more

Oil Scores Record High, Targets $120

Today it’s oil’s turn. Tomorrow, it will be rice again. It’s enough to make your head spin. More on what’s goosing prices higher. Not that you won’t be reading about an entirely different reason for the record highs tomorrow. > read more

Paulson’s Masterstroke?

In a hugely gutsy and wide-ranging proposal issued by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson this past weekend, longstanding government agencies end up all over the cutting room floor in favor of creating a controversial, new “supercop” that can abet the Federal Reserve in ways the current harum-scarum financial system cannot, not to mention alter the rules that bind exchanges and the activities of traders. But with so many fiefdoms and sacred cows hanging in the balance, is Washington really ready to play ball to save itself…from itself? > read more

Hell Is For Children...And Wall Street

Apologies to Pat Benatar, but we would like to redefine the concept of hell. How about the U.S. federal deficit surging to a record $311 billion for the first fiscal half of 2008, followed by today’s bankruptcy of Frontier Airlines and the near-bankruptcy of Linens ‘n Things and, even though no one in the country seems to be buying anything, the U.S. trade deficit somehow shooting to $62.3 billion? And we are just getting started. Sheesh, even John McCain has about-faced on his genius hands-off housing-crisis plan. Here’s more from the latest survey of economists, who are no doubt taking a page from the IMF, the ECB, the BOE, the G-7 and the EIEIO. > read more

Wall Street’s Femme Fatale Exposed

She is both the face that launched a thousand ships AND the Trojan horse. A year ago, she was unknown on Wall Street, toiling in obscurity at a middling firm. Now, she so much as sneezes and a monster bank goes kersplat. A close-up look at the makings of the phenomenon that is Meredith Whitney – and what really makes her tick. > read more

Ah, To Be Young, Rich...And In Love

Or just rich. Some heartfelt reflections from Harvard economics professor N. Gregory Mankiw on how, while “being rich has never exactly been a downer…today it is all the more sweet.” > read more

More Rice Tremors (And Record Highs)

OK, now it’s serious. The World Bank is involved. We repeat, THE WORLD BANK IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT RICE. Rice. Rice. We are talking about rice, here. If we keep repeating it, at some point we will actually believe it. And now for the story that proves this is truly the end of civilization. > read more

We Admit It...

For market observers and journalists, it’s kind of become like a sick game predicting where and when the next gargantuan bank crisis will hit. Mundane and pathetic? Yes. Perhaps also indicative of how people are feeling foolish over not seeing all this coming sooner? Absolutely. But do we – ahem, we mean they – have anything better to do? Of course not. So, it’s no surprise that one prominent newspaper has suddenly uncovered “the next earnings nightmare for banks” (cue in ominous gong here). > read more

Secrets Of The Global ‘Superclass’

If you want to become as wealthy and powerful as a Bill Gates or a Stephen Schwarzman, you might want to heed these tips: Be born a male baby boomer, preferably of European stock. Attend an elite college. And don't forget to be rich and lucky. Simple, right? Wrong. But at least it’s simple enough to put in a handy dandy new book. > read more

Cure For What Ails Ye: ‘Barry Bonds’

Forget about that much-ballyhooed pair trade with a short of Roger Clemens. Here’s a nice little fixed-income investment that’s not correlated with, well, anything. May we present the case for Barry Bonds? As the only thing they correlate with is “steroids, perjury and racism” (or so says Long or Short Capital) they promise to dampen volatility in any trader’s portfolio. > read more

Oil Makes Like Rice

Oil shot above $118 a barrel, as unions in the U.K. planned a strike at a Scottish refinery and the usual Nigerian disruptions rattled the market. At the same time, Bloomberg emerged with an alarming new piece of data, projecting that U.S. demand for oil will soon be eclipsed by an even hungrier part of the world. Here, a great graphic. > read more

Yahoo: Further Complicating Your Complicated Flow Chart

Yahoo is talking to Time Warner AOL. Microsoft is talking to News Corp. Yahoo is also talking to Google. Microsoft and News Corp. are both talking to Yahoo. Time Warner is happy to talk again…if anyone wants it to. But with all this talking and nothin’ doin’, increasingly puzzled onlookers are beginning to wonder whether this coruscating landscape isn’t just going to tick off Yahoo’s already peeved shareholders. > read more

Countrywide: Ice Gets Thinner

Whoa, is that even possible here? Yes, intones the hed gravely in today’s Wall Street Journal, which at first we found laughable (before we read the story): “Countrywide’s Problems Surface.” What, they’re surfacing now? So does that mean before they felt like they were holding them back? As if a federal probe of Countrywide’s lending practices and an $893 million first-quarter loss wasn’t enough, now we hear all about one of its biggest culprits, something aptly named the “Fast and Easy.” That’s what we said. You cannot make this stuff up. > read more

Snap! The Other Shoe Drops On The Other Shoe

It’s always reassuring when, just as the IMF is preparing to drop the bomb that says this year there’s a 25% chance of a world recession (just out today) the stock market decides to rally. Even better, when it rallies just as UBS and Lehman drop their own duality of bad news. And better still when the market rallies BECAUSE of said bad news. But here’s the kicker: our market, which typically veers between being a crack-addled teenage credit-card addict with an unlimited expense account and a drunk who uses statistics like a lamppost, for support and not illumination, may have actually gotten the point for once. (Despite it being April Fool’s.) Survival risk of firms on Wall Street does appear to be going down – and here’s why. > read more

Mexico Not Hell?

We are as surprised as anyone. (Just kidding, we actually plan to retire in Mexico, our favorite underdog nation of the warmer climes.) OK, drifting here. So, it seems Mark Mobius, president of Templeton Emerging Markets, having just returned from a monthlong tour of Latin America, has noticed a decidedly more upbeat tone south of the border than in the States, where everyone’s still dropping and rolling in the wake of the subprime meltdown. Some Mobius-derived observations on why, even in Mexico, where one would expect significant subprime spillage, “the mood was sanguine.” Do tell. > read more

When Rice Attacks

As rice prices shot to $1,000 a tonne yesterday for the first time ever, importers heads nearly exploded. On the one hand, rice exporters the world over were stocking up on far more supply than usual, while cities such as Manila couldn’t even draw sufficient takers on their tenders. Heck, Bangladesh couldn’t buy rice all week. What’s a self-respecting, rice-eating country supposed to do? > read more

Awesome: ‘Rogue Trader’ Sues SocGen

Clearly, two can play at this game. And what we love best about this is the reason for the suit: after losing Société Générale billions, Jérôme Kerviel is charging unfair dismissal. You’ve gotta’ admire the kid’s gump. He’s like the Terminator. He doesn’t stop. And he won’t stop. Melt his face with a blow torch, and there is only metal underneath. He is going to trade for you...until you die. We stole all the juicy details about this today from the FT, which stole it from The Times. And here it is. > read more

Plot Thickens On Bear, Lehman Trades

SEC Chairman Chris Cox told lawmakers on Capitol Hill he plans to go Bear hunting (and Lehman hunting) big time in getting to the bottom of the irregular trading activity seen of late in both bank’s stocks. Here are his comments on how Wall Street and the Fed have been collaborating on beating the bushes for information. “It looked like more than just fear. It looked like there were people that wanted to induce a panic,” piped in Bear CEO Alan Schwartz. That said, here’s why the burden of proof weighs so heavily on anyone trying to show that anything untoward happened. > read more

Spoils Of The Oil Despoils

As the crap dollar and pipeline disruptions in the Midwest and Nigeria conspire to send oil prices above $114 a barrel for the first time (unrelated, so far as we can tell, to the record high today in the rice market) Long or Short Capital has decided to canvass the world for reactions to this unwelcome surge. (One respondent: “Gas prices are so crazy, I had to buy a second car – one for when gas is cheap and one for when gas is expensive. But sometimes I drive the wrong one just to be bad…”) Read on for more LoS gems. > read more

If Oil Prices Rise, The Terrorists Win

In a hysterical press release out this week from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, we are told that “international organized criminals have penetrated the energy market and other strategic sectors of the U.S. and world economy... have successfully corrupted public officials around the world...[and] are manipulating securities exchanges and engaging in sophisticated fraud schemes.” Excellent. You hear that? It’s been the gangsters all along. Next time you overhear people mewling about how speculators are driving the price of oil up, you just e-mail them this FBI missive. That’ll learn ‘em. > read more

Citi Fund Aspirations Thwarted

When Citigroup was launching a pair of hedge funds last year, it didn't have to look very far for investors, according to The Wall Street Journal. Brokers at the firm's Smith Barney unit drummed up hundreds of millions of dollars from retail clients, including some who were told the fixed-income funds were a safe place to stash money. Alas and alack, what a difference a year makes. > read more

Fed: Re-Sheathing The Rapier?

A slight shift in sentiment appears to be boosting the dollar this morning, as traders brace for the release of minutes tomorrow from the Federal Reserve’s March 18 meeting, widely expected to herald a pause in the slash-and-burn policy of Ben Bernanke & Friends when it comes to interest-rate cuts. But can the greenback make its windfall last? > read more

Fed: They Will Cut You

But then after they cut you next week (probably) what will they do? Why market observers think the specter of increased inflation, coupled with little benefit for growth, may soon lead to a breather in all the slicing and dicing. But certainly not because the economy looks like it’s going to get any better. > read more

Renaissance Tapped, Lone Cedar Sapped

What’s a trader to do when even hedge fund gods like James Simons and Stephen Mandel are getting pummeled? > read more

Resistance Is Futile

Overshadowing today’s utterly ludicrous revelation that gaffes on the part of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are now threatening to strip the U.S. of its triple-A credit rating, is the Delta and Northwest hookup – a union that might not save our dunderheaded economy from its own credit faux pas, but is sure to roil airline stocks for the opportunistic trader. Assuming that this merger is not tripped up by airline regulators or employees, the combined carrier would boast revenue of $35 billion and very likely change the fabric of the entire airline industry (just look at today’s news of Sir Richard Branson’s run at a U.K. airline, Dubai sovereign wealth fund possibly in tow). > read more

Prop Shops Crack Open Their Doors

Chuck Whitman runs an open-outcry trading pit. But unlike the floor at the Chicago Board of Trade, it exists only for training rookies at his firm. > read more

Libor’s Head Fake?

Sending shock waves throughout the borrowing and lending world, here’s why Wall Street’s denizens are suddenly casting a dubious eye on what was once beyond question: the London inter-bank offered rate. Has yet another pillar of finance fallen? > read more

Week Of Bank Ballasts?

A sneak preview of why Wall Street is bracing itself for a week of large losses at the monster banks, multibillion-dollar writedowns and thousands of job cuts as Citigroup and Merrill, two of the worst casualties of the credit crunch, report their results (alongside a slew of others that aren’t doing so well, themselves). > read more

Citizen Kerviel: Casting Call

You’ve marveled at his $7 billion trading loss — now enjoy it on the silver screen. Our critical verdict? Deux thumbs up! A montage you won’t soon forget. > read more

BlackRock: The ‘911 For Fixed-Income’?

Here’s what we in the biz called a thumbsucker piece – one of those stirring, “ain’t he great” anthems to a particularly renowned Wall Street executive. Only in this case, the exec is Laurence Fink, founder of BlackRock and renowned bond trader, and we’re pretty sure he might deserve it. A well-done oeuvre from Bloomberg on the making of the man and his business. > read more

A Head Rolls In Paris

Remember how Société Générale’s CEO Daniel Bouton offered his resignation just after the news broke of the bank’s so-called rogue trader Jerome Kerviel and his billions of losses? – And the board rejected it? Well, on second thought, they’d like to take that back... > read more

Recession: Is It Here Yet?

At this point, talking about it is almost worse than dealing with it. Why the economic grandees are predicting that the U.S. economy likely grew in the first quarter at its slowest pace in five years ahead of a government report out today. (And why household spending, the economy’s main engine, is probably hitting its weakest rate in 13 years). > read more

Treasurys Rally Not Yet Over?

Why the most accurate forecasters of Treasury yields say it's too early to call an end to the rally that propelled U.S. bonds to their best annual start since 1995. > read more

Et Tu, Myron?

After Meriwether, it seems former LTCMers can’t catch a break. How Platinum Grove Asset Management, the $5.8 billion hedge fund group commandeered by our idol, Myron Scholes – options-pricing king, heat-diffusion physics theorist (both things not entirely unrelated) Nobel Laureate and all-around good guy – fell on hard times with the latest heave of the fixed-income market. > read more

Financial Bohemian Rhapsody

It’s safe for work, but for the sake of everything that is sacred in this world (touché, right now, that’s admittedly not much) we beg of you, as do your co-workers, do not sing along. (Heck, the guy who sang this could barely sing it.) There comes a time in every man’s life to learn that Freddie Mercury vocal stylings and the office do not mix. > read more

Brevan Howard: Another Fund Listing?

As P.T. Barnum once said of his circus-goers, “If they like a horse, they’ll like two horses twice as much.” We assume some of the same thinking went into BH’s next move. Not to mention the 41% return on its maiden effort. > read more

Nomura: A Very Bad Case Of ‘Mono’

Surprise, surprise, monoline-related write-downs are still crushing everybody. Not in the least Japan's largest securities firm. Behold, a look at Nomura Holdings Inc.’s earnings (er, losses) and how it plans to grapple with the specter of unknowable future risks. > read more

Mr Juggles: Calling The Top On The Bottom

Last week, billionaire speculator George Soros made clear the market was giving “good bottom.” But, like any good trader, he continues to hold out for even better bottom, which he predicts will be forthcoming. Now we add yet another market seer, “Mr Juggles,” of Long Or Short Capital, to the fray. While many of you may not know Mr Juggles, he knows you – and better than you might think. Which is why he is so cynical. > read more

Trading...And The Meaning Of Life

Q: I have been a fund manager for 10 years and currently work for a large UK institution. The job is great: flexible and well-paid. My problem is that I genuinely don’t believe it is possible to do this job – outperforming other fund managers and equity indices – with any consistency. I believe the industry is based on the lie that fund managers add value through skill, rather than luck. This makes it hard for me to keep motivated. Should I move, even though I can’t think of anything else I want to do? Or should I accept the idea that work is not meant to be meaningful? I am married, but have no children. Fund manager, male, 34… > read more

Bluffing Your Way Out Of A Paper Bag

Some are good at it and some aren’t, but whether you’re a gutsy trader, an activist investor, or what-have-you, this not-to-be-missed blow-by-blow account of how, from a position of weakness, Bear Stearns’s biggest shareholders managed to put everyone from JPMorgan to the Fed to Paulson over their knee, is no doubt a perfect blueprint for the finer points of looking out for No. 1. > read more

Sex & Trading: Still Cut From Same Cloth

Every month or so, a new study from some ivory tower or other bursts out with another fresh set of revelations about this burning topic of the day. And while we know these stories have grown tired, worn and predictable (read: researchers like having their stuff published and know the very best way to do that is to add a liberal dose of $$$ex) we just cannot seem to bring ourselves to stop putting them out. Here, another reason to believe there’s plenty of truth to that famous line from Scarface: "In this country, you gotta’ make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." Just ask Harvard economist Terry Burnham. > read more

Everyone Heads For The Hill

In the mass grilling of the banking industry and the Fed on Capitol Hill this week, it was revealed that the government sought a rock-bottom sale price for Bear Stearns to send the message that taxpayers wouldn't bail out firms making risky bets, a top Treasury Department official said. Meanwhile, Wall Street’s CEOs painted a dire picture of the chaos they believe would have ensued if the government hadn't orchestrated a rescue. > read more

Hedgies Go Political

Why, when Senator Barack Obama likes to talk so tough about clamping down on the rich and stopping tax-haven abuses, do Kenneth C. Griffin of Citadel, Stephen Mandel of Lone Pine Capital and none other than George Soros all line up to back him with their wallets? Behold, a canny list from The New York Times on which hedgies are backing whom in what is turning out to be a real white-knuckle (brass-knuckle?) presidential race. > read more

Nymex Gas Trader Nabbed For Illegal Trading

Not just any natural gas trader, but one who used to sit in a leadership position on the board of the New York Mercantile Exchange, the biggest listed energy market in the world. While he has plead guilty and we’re no apologists for malfeasance, we happen to know more to the story – specifically that Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau was after a bigger fish and Steven Karvellas refused to play stool pigeon. Hence, a trading offense that, in the past, was typically dealt with by issuing a simple fine and a slap on the wrist was handled in this case very harshly. A cautionary tale on how traders are often used as pawns in the much bigger game of crime-busting and politics. > read more

New Indicator: Grand Theft Auto IV, For Real

For many traders, the most important thing happening today is the momentous and historic release of Grand Theft Auto IV – which, given that the gaming industry is having a red-letter year, might bode well as an economic indicator for how much consumers are willing to spend when it really counts. (And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t happily suffer an empty gas tank or go riceless to enjoy this Xbox delicacy?) Here, a probing story from The New York Times on the economic phenom that is GTA, despite what appears to be an ad for the game placed in close proximity to its story. (Editorial adjacency, tisk, tisk.) > read more

Lehman: Perception Vs Reality

If Lehman Brothers is shooting us straight on not really needing that $3 billion-plus it’s planning on raising anyway from a share sale, then it means that the perception of monsters under the bed on Wall Street is now officially scarier than the reality. Banks raising money they don’t need to reassure clients they probably don’t want who happen to have overactive imaginations? Zounds, the world we live in. > read more

Brace For Bad Air

If you happened to be traveling through Chicago’s O’Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth International or New York’s La Guardia airports in recent days and you experienced hideous flight bottlenecks, we are sorry to report that this is probably just a foretaste of the feast to come. With jets weirdly failing FAA inspections left and right (just Monday, nine MD-80s operated by American didn’t pass muster, resulting in hundreds of groundings and more than one thousand flight cancelations) here’s what to expect in the coming weeks, as scrutiny of passenger planes only picks up. > read more

Rogers: Crazy In Love (With China)

There’s a reason why commodities-crazed investor Jim Rogers (co-founder of the Quantum Fund with George Soros) is moving to Singapore and making sure his baby daughter learns perfect Mandarin. Here, a closer look at his Asian investing strategy. > read more

Mobius’s Big Bank Bet

Amid the subprime sturm und drang, George Soros reckons losses could easily top $1 trillion. But after just $245 billion of reported bank and brokerage losses, Templeton Asset Management Ltd.'s Mark Mobius says he thinks the credit-market crisis is ``near the end.'' Who’s right – and just how much money are they staking on it? > read more

Do As He Says, Not What He Does

Or else you might also end up in the clutches of the SEC and disgorging a cool $150K. Why a bit of passed-on gossip landed one Wall Street short-seller in some very hot water. (And, again, why you shouldn’t use your IM system as a big, fat, gabby sewing circle!) > read more

The Off-Off-Balance Sheet

With certain financial firms covetous of (read: being forced to find) new ways to offload debt from their balance sheets, Long or Short Capital (increasingly our favorite Web site for coverage on these ticklish matters) notes the wary numbers guy should keep in mind how off-balance sheet maneuvers are now being subjected to a growing – nay, near-abusive – amount of scrutiny, whether they come in the form of SIVs, super-SIVs, or ultra-megawide–thisonewillwork-SIVs. We don’t need to go over this again, right? But under the carpet is where everyone’s already stuffed trillions of derivatives exposure. So, that’s out. What to do?! Allow us to introduce the outsourced off-balance sheet. > read more

Why Stop At EBITDA?

Last week, Long or Short Capital introduced the very novel idea of adding to the EBITDA model another way to number-crunch: EBE, or earnings before everything. But not content to walk away from this can of worms just yet, more ideas have since cropped up. May we introduce EBITDAGSAC? Right, it sounds dubious. But so did CDOs before they took off. > read more

Children’s Investment Fund Again Grabs Headlines

And this time its target is Japan. The infamously scrappy fund is exhorting the U.K. government to "formally intervene and impose trade and investment sanctions" on the Asian nation, but obviously not out of a sense of civic duty. As a matter of fact, it has a nice chunk of change at stake. > read more

Natural Gas – Naturally

You thought record gasoline prices hurt real bad? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Try another fuel shock on for size – without the alleviation of the first one. Here, predictions of the next wave of mutilation. > read more

Dollar Slide Decelerates

We don’t get to use the word “decelerates” too often – it feels kind of unnaturally clinical on the tongue – but we’re happy to use it today with respect to the dollar. That said, traders betting on heavy volatility in the greenback may be dismayed, as the G-7 has opted to take a somewhat more cavalier approach and speculators may cease trading it with the aim of halting its slide to record lows. A look at what’s next for the increasingly unpopular currency. > read more

Bad Idea, Bad Ending

This morning’s metaphysical question: If hedge funders keep getting nabbed for fraud, is that a testament to how many people still think they can bilk investors out of their money and not get caught (despite all those who’ve failed before) or does it simply mean the law of averages remains firmly on the side of the fraudster when it comes to his odds of getting away with it? Judging by this story, we are beginning to suspect the latter. > read more

The New New Math

If you could condense the full wilderness of principals governing market fluctuations, not excluding the utter chaos that seems to rule it all – could you boil it down to one unifying law that ties everything together? Marek Fludzinski, founder and CEO of New York’s Thales Fund Management (not to mention a theoretical physics Ph.D. from Princeton and one of the first two dozen employees at famed quant shop D.E. Shaw Group) thinks it’s possible. A fascinating piece on how quants are dusting themselves off after a rough summer to push the boundaries of science anew. > read more

Death Of Auction Market Cannot Be Exaggerated Enough

A primer on why the auction-rate securities market is contracting by at least 15 percent, or $51 billion, as U.S. municipal borrowers refinance to duck higher costs and closed- end funds start to bail out investors. > read more

Inflation: The New Black?

Food and raw material prices are soaring, while oil-supply constraints sent crude-oil futures prices barreling (pun intended) above $112 a barrel yesterday, pushing gasoline prices at the pump to a record-high average of $3.33 a gallon for the week – despite the fact that Americans are reining in their spending. What next? > read more

State Of The ‘Nanke

Off camera yesterday, Fed chief Ben Bernanke admitted he has secretly always rooted for JPMorgan over Goldman. And he really wanted JPM to have this one. In fact, he’s now Jamie Dimon’s personal financial adviser and, together, they’re scheming to take over the Jimmy Cayne Bridge Club, replete with junkets to glamorous Nashville and Detroit. Just kidding. So far, the only real drama has been the squabble with Sen. Edward Kennedy and even that didn’t send markets aswoon like they usually get when Ben speaks. That said, it could be significant that investors didn’t flinch when he offered up some substantial remarks on the dreaded R-word. Here, the quickie rundown – plus what’s expected later today. > read more

Retail Sales Wail

Why economists are expecting retail sales in the U.S. to have stalled in March in a report due out today, as record gasoline prices and climbing unemployment force Americans to rein in on expenses. > read more

CTAs: Gettin’ The Gravy

Man Group and Winton Capital Management are off to their best starts in seven years as falling stock markets and soaring gold and wheat prices propel profits for funds that trade commodities and financial futures. Take a gander at how the pros do it. > read more

Dollar Catches Break

We’re not holding our breaths, but it is reassuring. More on how the greenback’s biggest gain against the euro in nearly two weeks actually stems from news across the pond tied to a certain Zurich-based bank. > read more

Venture: High Society

When canvassing the South Pacific, here’s how to stage a mutiny against crowded cruise ships and puddle-jumpers by traveling in the most luxurious way: island-hopping by helicopter. > read more

Dollar DOA

Just great. Not that everyone didn’t see it coming. The dollar fell to a record low against the euro after European inflation picked up in March – meaning the region's central bank is unlikely to follow the Federal Reserve in cutting its interest rates. (Isn’t it nice to know you are saving for retirement in a declining currency?) A look at just how low it can go. > read more

Short People Got Nobody To Love

If you’ve been short, you’ve probably made a hell of a lot of money in this nutter market. But here’s why you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who loves you. > read more

Battle Of The Sexes: Coming To A City Near You?

Adding to the long list of wealthy husbands being ordered to fork over hefty portions of their paychecks to former wives – often including future bonuses – was a U.K. banker who was told this week to cough up half of a $33 million fortune. (And that only accounts for what he and his wife earned during their separation.) Why London has now become the so-called "divorce capital of the world for aspiring wives." > read more

On V-Shapes, L-Shapes, Pear-Shapes

According to today’s Financial Times, now that the U.S. recession “is a racing certainty [yikes] the debate has moved on to the shape of things to come.” Literally. For now, everyone seems to be holding out for the V-shape: a quick downturn and turnaround. But we suspect sentiment will soon swing in favor of the dodecahedron. (First trader to ID how many sides this shape has gets a free car wash. No Google-cheating...) > read more

Oil Hell: A Light At End Of The Tunnel?

Could Brazil's discoveries of what may be two of the world's three biggest oil finds in the past 30 years help end the Western Hemisphere's reliance on Middle East crude? > read more

SageCrest Makes Like Icarus?

Seven-year-old SageCrest II, which assured investors of fat returns from art-, real estate- and structured settlement-based loans, is now poised to sign a last-minute $150 million cash lifeline this week as it struggles to overcome a cash crunch. Could this be the beginning of the end for this $650 million hedge fund? > read more

Secrets Of The Harvard Club

What do convicted felon Jeffrey Skilling, deposed chief executive officer Stan O'Neal and struggling CEO Jeffrey Peek have in common? They all went to Harvard Business School. An engrossing piece on how the virtues that get you into some of the nation’s most hallowed halls of learning may not always serve you well in the real world. > read more

Sex, Lies And Hedge Funds

Well, lies and hedge funds anyway. > read more

Clear Channel Suitors Just Say No

Private-equity mastodons Bain Capital and Thomas H Lee & Partners are getting ready to rumble today in pretrial arguments in New York after rejecting a binding arbitration offer from the banks they still want to provide $22 billion in debt financing for the purchase of Clear Channel. Read on to find out which side traders are now betting will be the victor. > read more

Sparing The Ice Pick

While the Bank of England slashed its main interest rate today for the third time since December to 5%, and economists are ruling out the possibility of a European Central Bank rate cut from the six-year high until at least September, Iceland is boldly charging where no man dares go, boosting its key interest rate to the highest in Europe. > read more

Soros: The Man, The Code, The Vision

An in-depth look at why, even when he is wrong, the free-thinking George Soros continues to command the respect of movers and shakers the world over. And how, this time, his doomsday scenarios may be right. > read more

Tough Call

You’re a good trader – strike that, a great trader. And you’re doing your big road show to get funding for your brilliant new hedge fund. You know your stuff, your track record is solid and yet – and yet – your last employer had a massive fall from grace that you had nothing to do with. How do you overcome that? Here, a tale of one trader’s nightmare. > read more

Paulson: A Pleasure To Measure The Treasure…Repeatedly

Hey, has anyone not yet heard of John Paulson, founder of New York’s Paulson & Co., the guy who really brought home the bacon last year? If not, read this – and then resign immediately from your trading position. If you aren’t keeping up with this stuff, God help you. We are not even sure why there are new articles coming out on this anymore. > read more

We Knew It, Damn It: Money Does Buy Happiness

>How the so-called Easterlin paradox is under attack after the release of a rather nettlesome study done at Washington’s Brookings Institution by two young economists from the University of Pennsylvania. Its findings have not only rattled Mr. Easterlin, who is still alive, but also excited top economists around the world looking for a scientific reason for why they should be paid more. > read more

Chinese Checker

One of the enduring mysteries of our times is how China has created capitalism out of thin air. Massachusetts Institute of Technology economist, Yasheng Huang, lifts the last iron curtain. > read more

Layoffs: Is It Over Yet?

With 40,000 jobs already on the cutting room floor, you would think so, wouldn’t you? But, apparently, not. An in-depth look from The Financial Times on which Wall Street CEOs still have their hands firmly on the cost-cutting knife – and don’t think they don’t know how to use it. > read more

UBS to Write Down $19 Billion; Chair Will Depart

UBS, the largest Swiss bank, said on Tuesday that it would write down another $19 billion related to "U.S. real estate and related structured credit positions" and said Marcel Ospel, its chairman, would step down, The New York Times reports. > read more

Introducing...The Spoof Wall Street Journal

Getting your hands on one, however, could prove challenging, as at least one major newspaper (three guesses and the first two don’t count which one that is) doesn’t appear to want you to read it. An investigation into how the look-alike satire version of the Journal has begun to mysteriously disappear off newsstands. > read more

Zoe Cruz: You Didn’t Really Think That Was It, Did You?

“I’ve lost confidence in you,” Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack told trader-turned-top exec Cruz last November, according to the latest New York magazine. “I want you to resign.” The company’s board of directors had already authorized his decision. A friend of Mack’s characterized his thinking: “It’s you or me. And guess what? I choose you.” You’ve heard the spin-cycle version of this story. Now hear what people are really saying about the stunning fall from grace of one of Wall Street’s highest-paid women. > read more

Bank Write-Down Rally One-Upped

From Long or Short Capital: “Citi also announced, via brain-wave subversion transmitters, that they have developed a Reality Distortion Field, a device long-rumored to have been in the possession of Steve Jobs, but which has only actually been developed and effectively utilized by” you know who. Why everyone should be grateful that Wall Street has found infinitely more innovative ways to handle dire situations than getting the Pentagon to put false propagandists on TV. > read more

The Citadel Poacheroo

What, exactly, is behind all of Citadel’s high-profile hires – including its latest nailing of J.P. Morgan senior manager Derek Kaufman, most recently head of the bank’s fixed income department in its proprietary-positioning group? > read more

Corn Craze Over?...Or Just Starting?

Looks like U.S. farmers will plant 8% fewer acres of corn this year, according to a government report, meaning corn prices will probably stay high and may even climb in the coming months. Now, guess what said farmers are rejecting their corn for? > read more

On Becoming A Stallion

There are horses for courses. And then there are horses that are just, well, gay. How the handlers who bet all on one Kentucky Derby winner are finding that out the hard way. > read more

Barclays Trading Coup

John Varley, CEO of the U.K.'s third-largest bank, says first-quarter profits will fall below a year ago, but defying March’s craptacular trading conditions, the bank actually generated a first-quarter net at its securities unit, sidestepping the credit-related losses that plagued UBS, Credit Suisse, Citigroup and Merrill Lynch. So...what happened? > read more

Pennsylvania: It’s (Apparently) A Gas

Ever go hiking in Pennsylvania’s Allegheny foothills? Deep in the woods along the mountainsides are old pump jacks and oil and gas wells overgrown with weeds and clotted with rust – some of them abandoned for more than 100 years (In fact, there is evidence Native Americans as far back as 1410 AD even harvested fossil fuels for medicinal purposes in the area by digging small pits around active seeps and lining them with wood.) As energy prices raise the roof, the era of wrack and ruin may now be over. > read more

Trash Vs Treasure: That Very Fine Line

As the New York Times points out today, almost two centuries ago, as Napoleon marched on Waterloo, a scion of the Rothschilds banking dynasty is said to have declared: The time to buy is when blood is running in the streets. Now, as red ink runs on Wall Street, the figurative heirs of the Rothschilds — bankers, traders, hedge fund gurus and takeover artists — are plotting to profit from today’s financial upheaval. Here’s how. > read more

Get Your Pharma On

Why going long big pharmaceutical companies’ utterly sick sense of humor will pay off – admittedly, in utterly sick ways. > read more

McCain’s Very Special Rant

Having received the snub from Wall Street, as donations pass him by in favor of Obama and Clinton, Sen. John McCain has decided to unleash the lions on Corporate America, calling its pay schemes "outrageous" and "unconscionable" (especially as his fundraising efforts have seemingly failed to benefit by them). More from the Straight Talk Express, which, even we admit, holds a slight advantage over Hillary with the growing weariness and wariness over a “democracy” where the presidents’ surnames threaten to flash Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton into infinity. > read more

Speed Dialer & They Feel Fine

Why Porsche’s sleek new cellphone is a trader’s in-the-money call. After a difficult decade, R.E.M. Inc. is a blue-chip once more. > read more

Oil To Average At $101 For Year

Why although the U.S. Energy Information Administration expects American drivers, truckers and airlines to use less fuel this year as the economy softens, oil is still expected to raise the roof. More on how prices pressures are expected to fluctuate in fossil fuels – including an outlook for refined products. > read more

Another One Bites the Dust

Russell Investments is closing down two of its three main hedge fund of funds after assets under management in the division dropped precipitously to less than $2 billion – a third of the level of only six months ago. So, just what took the bloom off this rose? > read more

T100: Unsealing The Vault

This year marks the fifth annual top-earning-traders list since Trader Monthly debuted with its inaugural rundown (based on 2003 income) in the autumn of 2004 – and oh, how the years and AUMs have flown and grown. Take a look yourself with this review of previous Trader Monthly 100 lists. > read more

Watch List: Drive Time

Make like the pace car at your next road show with these automotive watches. > read more

The Trade: Dead Man’s Curve

Be it steep or inverted, traders enjoy a good yield-curve bet. But with the long bond taking on a life of its own and credit markets gone haywire, playing rate spreads can be one dangerous game. A few pointers. > read more

Clock-Watching…In Style

Presenting The Wall Street Watch Club – a series of intimate cocktail events with other watch connoisseurs, putting the timepieces you are most interested in directly into your hands, showcasing the latest in watch technology and craftsmanship, the history and achievement of various brands, and more. > read more

Friday Levity: Where Only Eagles Dare Fly

Feeling stressed out? Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the Nevada desert for a little R&R? Not to glittering Las Vegas, but maybe, oh, a large, spiky Epcot center-looking building with other fun-lovin’ folks from Wall Street and perhaps a sprinkling of prime ministers? May we suggest the Universitas Leadership Sanctuary, the brainchild of Donna Vassar, a member of the Vassar education dynasty? Read on for the details, plus an artist’s rendering, of this-up-and-coming VIP haven, sure to be brimming with all kinds of good vibes. (Under “related links,” The Financial Times also suggests you check out “Promises,” the former rehab center of Britney Spears). > read more

Lehman’s Hedge Fund Play?

Supposedly, this is the year of the hedge fund consolidation and takeover as everyone and their mother gets creamed. And here’s Lehman’s plan to throw $1 billion at it. > read more

T100: Better Luck Next Year

Having fully revealed the rankings of the auspicious traders who made it to our annual Top 100 list, we now have a few things to say about those who might not have made the cut this time around, but from whom we’re expecting very big things in 2008. Find out if you’re on our radar. > read more

Redemption Central: My Charity

How Josh Tarasoff’s Wall Street Volunteers helps traders give something back. > read more

Risk Research LLC Presents the Left Tail Report

A discussion and analysis of important risk management topics impacting today’s markets (as if you didn’t have enough to worry about). > read more

Craigslist: Love Song Of J Alfred Banker

The wave of lovelorn victims of Wall Street proudly displayed on Craigslist continues apace (no one knows how many are actually for real; so far, it seems, many are not, attempted Prufrock-like mewlings nothwithstanding). That said, they do appear to be cut from the same kind of ingrown, dysfunctional cloth and ready for something decidedly more subversive than the usual meat-and-potatoes fare. Here, the hue and cry of a supposed 24-year-old ibanker from the Upper East Side. > read more

Lehman: Three Funds Axed

More than 45 of the world's top banks (we didn’t even know there were that many) including Citigroup and UBS, have now posted a combined $232 billion in asset write-downs and credit losses since the beginning of 2007. Today, we hear the fourth-largest securities firm in the U.S. is deep-sixing a trio of investment funds by taking the value of their assets onto its own beleaguered balance sheet. The reason for the hit? You’ll never guess... > read more

Ask The Dream Doctor: Deferred Futures

One forgetful quant neglects his dogs— AND discovers that his biological clock might be ticking. > read more

Friday Levity: ‘Woody Allen Is Our Spiritual Leader’

He’s not garbage-picking the debt market yet, but he is trying to parlay a billboard into a fortune. While news outlets widely reported Allen’s ire earlier this week over American Apparel’s use, without permission, of his likeness in an advertisement, we had yet to see an actual picture of the damage. After doing some Web-dredging, however, we found it – and it’s a doozy. > read more

Schwab’s Little Problem With Anal_ysts

If these guys are so worthy of the prefix of their name, then what gives with all the fuzzy math? > read more

Get On It Like White On Rice

Climbing to a record high is none other than rice, while corn is hovering near a record itself on speculation that a 3 percent annual increase in global demand for cereals will outstrip supply as governments curb exports to prevent protests. Sound far-fetched? Perhaps not. > read more

Cojones Q&A: Branch Manager

How high-altitude lumberjack Mark Standley risks his life to keep your penthouse in fine cabinetry and parquet floors. > read more

Ask The Dream Doctor: Deferred Futures

One forgetful quant neglects his dogs— AND discovers that his biological clock might be ticking. > read more

It’s Money, Baby

You’ve probably been trading behind a computer screen for most of your career now. And likely will continue to do so, since nobody in their right mind is building trading pits anymore. But just in case there’s a Fight Club-like end to the technological world as we know it and everything goes back to zero, you might as well brush up on your “buy” and “sell” hand signals. From Ray Carbone, a graphical tutorial on all you’ll ever need to know. > read more

Indecent Proposal?

Imagine, a deal in the works to bail out U.S. homeowners that is so sweet government officials are actually voicing worries that otherwise honest and reliable borrowers will cop like they’re suffering (yep, we’re talking about deliberately defaulting here) just to get a piece of the action. > read more

Risk/Reward: Dig It

Perry Capital product David Sackler avoids peril by following the advice of his famous former boss: Drill down deep. > read more

Card Shark: It’s The Research, Stupid

A cursory look at any opportunity will lead to cursory opportunities. It’s the deep, time-consuming data that brings serious profits. Here’s how to do it without overdoing it. > read more

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